Day #4 in the week of Anna Samsa: Thursday
A valentine story for my Valentines, Thomas and Leah
February 14, 2016
Anna awoke. She was sitting in a miniature chair, her cheek resting on something cool and smooth. She opened her left eyeand stared at an ancient coffered ceiling. The smell of café au lait wafted in and out of her unusually large-feeling nostrils. In the corner an ancient boom box played “Crocodile Rock.” The only sounds were the steam from the espresso machine, the traffic outside and Elton John. Slowly she lifted her head. It was odd: She couldn’t see straight ahead. She could see everything to the right of her and everything to the left—at the same time. Her body felt large, and well, kind of green.
“Oh no, I hope I didn’t turn into a monstrous cabbage!”
“I wonder what I ate yesterday.”
“WaitWhat???… why is everyone staring at me?”
A sign on the wall read “Café Michelle près St Chapelle.“ The small café seemed to be the size of a play box and it was filled with tiny people backed against the walls. It had black and white tiled checkerboard floors, marble-topped tables and a carved wooden coffee bar. When she imagined a café in France, this would be it-- except normal-sized, of course. A gilt-edged mirror reflected the image of an elaborate gothic chapel outside. Anna looked around, which was easier than expected, because of her intensely acute peripheral vision.
She opened her huge eyes wide. She could see the fringe of her long dark-green eye-lashes.
She looked at her arm. It was emerald green... It was bedazzled... It was a wing!
She looked at her feet… three-toed, shoe-less, red rubies wheretoenails should have been. “OMG” she thought, “I’m probably a size 24EEEEE shoe.”
Her belly—big… emerald-encrusted... diamond belly button
“I wanted to ride a bedazzled dragon, not be one,” she tried to explain. Instead of words, tiny bursts of flame sputtered.
The people gasped. They all started speaking and exclaiming and crying—in French (sounding like aardvarks eating brie). Elton John continued to sing. And then silence. The song ended, the steam sputtered, the people stopped. Just for a moment “an air pocket of total silence.” During the silence, Anna clumsily tugged at one of her jewels. Her plan: bribe the people with rubies, diamonds and emeralds. But as she plucked at an unusually sparkly aquamarine, it broke free, turned into a mite-sized blue butterfly and flew away. The silence was broken by a gnuffle (the people) and a gulp (Anna).
“New plan” thought Anna.
“It was a teenage wedding and the old folks wished them well…” Chuck Berry warbled.
Anna had to think fast.
She started toe-tapping her size 24 foot in time to the music. She stood up slowly. Being short for a dragon, her head barely grazed the 8 foot coffered ceiling. The people gasped. She twisted her right foot in time to the music. She shifted her weight and twisted her left foot. The building shook; the people recoiled. She raised her wings and as Chuck sang, “C’est la vie, say the old folks,” she twisted her entire body and raised her head in joy. Then gently, oh so carefully, she extended her pinky claw to the young barista and twirled him round the bar. A synchronous intake of breath…Then pandemonium.
The people were whooping and clapping and laughing in French—(sounding like hippos eating camembert).
Anna started a conga line toward the door: right, left, wiggle, wiggle… right left wiggle, wiggle... The delighted patrons grabbed on and followed. Until they all reached the door. UhOh…Anna was too big to fit through the door.
No problem, this is France. Magically, vats and vats of Nutella appeared from under the coffee bar. The people, singing and laughing, slathered Anna with Nutella. She slid through the door, down the Boulevard du Palais, over the Quai, under the Pont and SPLASH, into the Seine.
The crowd cheered. Anna floated up to the surface, the people following along the bank as she drifted down the river. She felt like, and looked like, a sea monster. But her bling glittered in the sun. The air was warm, the water cool. Anna was content. She waved to the bateaux full of tourists and, shading their eyes and with mouths agape, they waved back.
Soon she saw a sign for the Louvre. “My mother always told me that the Louvre was the greatest museum filled with the greatest plunder on earth. I think I should like to visit.”
Finding an empty spot by the bank, Anna heaved herself out of the water. Several of her jewels fell off and colorful micro butterflies flew away. Her fans and admirers led her to the museum, and spoke to the guards very quickly and loudly in French (sounding like giraffes eating gruyere). The guards quietly escorted her to a secret entrance for extraordinarily large works of art. Before she knew it, Anna was stooping and stretching and twisting her neck as far down as she could, and staring Mona Lisa in the eyes. Anna was careful not to speak, not wanting to scorch the most famous painting on earth. Thequickly growing group visited Vermeer’s Lacemaker, Georges de la Tour’s “The Fortune Teller” and shuffled quickly past Raphael’s “St George and the Dragon.”
Out the secret door, through the Tuileries Garden, around the Place de la Concorde and down the Champs Elysee; Anna shining brighter than the jewelry stores on the boulevard. By the time Anna reached the Arc de Triomphe, the Conga line behind her was a mile long. Anna was tired. She didn’t think that she could make it up all 284 stairs to the top-- “But wait, I have wings!”
The littlest dancers and their mamas hopped on her back, she spread her wings and, “Squeeeeeeeee” exclaimed the children, who could barely be heard over their mothers’ screams.
The small group reached the top just as the sun was setting behind the Tour Eiffel. Anna had never seen a more beautiful sunset.
“I want to go there,” pointed a young English girl, one of Anna’s passengers. Anna indicated that the dragon taxi was leaving and all who wanted could jump aboard. 3 children and 3 mamas held on and Anna flew to the very top of the Eiffel Tower. All of Paris was at their feet. Precariously, they did a little dance and sang a little song (Anna hummed with her mouth closed).
The day was done. Night had fallen. Anna took the children and their mamas back to the Arc de Triomphe.
“There is one more place for me to visit” she thought. She spread her wings as wide as possible and soared over the city of light. As she flew, Anna felt small pinches as her jewels poppedoff. Parisians looking at the sky that night believed they had glimpsed the Northern Lights—when in truth they had seen a cloud of emerald, ruby-red and sapphire butterflies.
Anna soared past Sainte-Chapelle where the adventure had begun. She alit atop Notre Dame Cathedral. It was late; the Cathedral was empty and dark. She wandered around looking at the gargoyles, wondering if she looked as scary as they did.
All of a sudden, a voice sang out, “Walk this way, talk this way…” Rounding a corner on the roof, she spied the ancient boom box balancing on a spire.
Peeking over the roof edge and between the flying buttresses was a most unusual sight. Gargoyles boogying all over the place.Dancing and jumping and jitter-bugging. Some of them doing the hop perpendicular to the sky, suckered feet grasping the sides of the ancient building!
“This is my kind of party” thought Anna and before she could think another thought, a 2-horned, mustachioed, winged gargoyle took hold of her claw and spun her around. The party went strong until the bells struck midnight. At the first bell, all the gargoyles returned to their posts and resumed evil-looking visages.
The boom box played “Mr. Sandman”
At that moment, Anna was afraid, but the music soothed her.She tucked her head beneath her wing and by the end of the song was fast asleep.
When her eye peeped open, it was morning, her cheek rested on a soft and downy surface and when she opened her left eye she saw Karen staring down at her.
“Walk this way,” said Anna. She took Karen to the kitchen, made a Nutella sandwich and told of her wonderful adventure. Karen was never surprised at anything Anna said.
